Jokes for Men !!
jokes, laughter, laughs, men vs women, women vs men
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How many men does it take to open a beer ??
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
How do you know when a women is about to say something smart ??
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me ..... "
Why do men die before their wifes ??
They want to.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created women.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were faithful and loving wifes......however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls finished they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst .....my wife came home with no panties! "
Thats nothing "said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her butt that read, "From all of us at the Fire Station.......... We'll never forget you !! "
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Nuff Said !!!!
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on 10/29/2008
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11.6
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Jokes for the Ladies !!
jokes, laughs, challenge, men vs women, women vs men
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What is the thinnest book in the world ??
"What men know about women. "
Why did God create a man before a woman ??
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
What do yuo do with a headache ??
You dump him !
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg ??
Because they won't stop to ask for directions.
Why are men like laxatives ??
They can irritate the _____ out of you.
Sorry guys - we will enjoy the last word - well maybe !!
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on 10/29/2008
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10.1
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Fitness Jokes !!
jokes, funny, fitness, laugh
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I drive to fast to worry aboout cholesterol.
Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
Amazing ! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks.
The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.
I know what "Victoria's Secret" is. // The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
What runs but never gets tired ?? // ( Water )
I'm not working out !! My philosophy is NO PAIN, NO PAIN !!
I married a Miss Right. // I just did not know her first name was "ALWAYS " !!
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on 10/27/2008
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13.6
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Diet Excuses !!
excuses, diet, health, laughs, chocolate
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But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.
But the doughnut was calling my name.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has NO calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way all the calories have fallen out.
My favorite / Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. And now ( give me all your chocolate and no one will get hurt ) !!!!
Feel free to add any of your favorite excuses !! ??
Thanks !!
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on 10/24/2008
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12.5
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Dumbbell Pullovers !!
muscles, weights, fitness, chest, pecs
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Lie flat on your back on a flat bench. Begin by holding the dumbbell above your chest with your elbows slightly bent. Slowly lower the dumbbell back so as to stretch your arms and the dumbbell back behind your head as far as you can reach. Your arms and the dumbbell will actually go behind/above your head and will drop down below the bench - this will really give you a great stretch. Return the dumbbell to the start position slowly, focusing on keeping your elbows locked in the bent position. This is an exercise you do not need to use maximum weight. Great chest expansion of the rib gage, Pectoralis Major muscles and Serratus Anterior muscles !! If you only do the standard flat bench press you will "love" this exercise.
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on 10/24/2008
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4.8
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Benefits of Stretching ..... !!
stretching, health, fitness, safety, ideas
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1) Stretching and warming up your muscles can prevent injuries.
2) Stretching increases range of motion.
3) Stretching improves joint function.
4) Stretching enhances muscle performance.
5) Stretching decreases post-exercise soreness.
6) Stretching increases flexibility.
Tips & Warnings
If you experience pain, stop the stretch. ( Stretch to the point of resistance only. )
Do not bounce while holding a stretch. ( This causes tears in your muscles. )
Do not hold your breath during stretches. ( This will raise your blood pressure. )
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on 10/24/2008
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20.9
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The GOOD, The BAD, & The UGLY !!
health, fitness, recommended, cholesterol, diet
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HDL cholesterol is known as "good" cholesterol because a high HDL level seems to protect against heart attack. Experts believe HDL removes excess cholesterol from plaques and thus slows their growth. HDL tends to carry cholesterol away from the arteries and back to the liver, where it's passed from the body.
LDL cholesterol is known as "bad" cholesterol because as it circulates in the blood, it can slowly build up in the walls of the arteries feeding the heart and brain. Together with other substances it can form plaque, a thick, hard deposit that can clog those arteries.
Triglycerides are the chemical form in which most fat exists in food as well as the body. Triglycerides in blood plasma are derived from fats eaten in foods or made in the body from other energy sources like carbs. Calories ingested in a meal and not used immediately by tissues are converted to triglycerides and transported to fat cells to be stored. This "ugly" fat going unused not only turns to fat but also has consequences of other diseases, such as diabetes mellitus and hypertriglycerides.
In conclusion - get a cholesterol test often - especially as you grow older. Eat high in fiber foods (wheat, fruits, veggies, etc) and less meat and greasy foods. More on this another time !!
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on 10/20/2008
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1 |
16.5
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ACCOUNTABILITY !!
accountability, challenge, routine, habits, lifestyle
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Do you have someone who helps you keep track of your diet, workout and lifestyle? If not, I would suggest looking for someone to keep you accountable/answerable to. Especially if you have hit a plateau in your weight or workout. I'm not suggesting a "HItler" type just a friend/spouse who will tell you the truth about your eating habits, workout routine, etc. You can of course do the same for them. Just a thought and a challenge !!
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on 10/16/2008
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15.5
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SYNERGY ........ !!
fitness, health, synergy, self esteem, lifestyle
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Synergy can be defined as the working together of many different factors to produce a single result. Your success as a fitness enthusiast will be determined not only by how well you train in the gym, but also by how the synergy created by your training, nutrition, and motivational strategies. To become the very best you can be, you must examine your habits in all of those areas.
All these things workings together will promote:
Toning / Strength / Speed / Agility / Vitality / Flexibility = Results
Results = Analysis / Goals / Purpose / Lifestyle / Self Esteem
Plus - don't forget the fun, friendships, life enjoyment, good health and much more !!
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on 10/15/2008
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2.7
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20 Minute Workouts Really Work !!
lifestyle, fitness, suggestions, health, self image
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Too busy to exercise. I " suggest " you can fine 20 minutes time to .......
Take a power walk outside. Use a stairclimber or the actual stairs. Ride a stationary bike. Walk and/or run on a treadmill. Do 50 plus pushups. Do 2 sets of 25 plus ab crunches. Run up and down your own home stairs. Feel free to add your "favorite".
Remember - 20 minute workouts 3 times a weeks is a great way to shed some unwanted body fat.
I know too many people who have "given up' on exercise. It's not too late for anyone, it's just making it part of our lifestyle "now".
PASS IT ON !!!!
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on 10/13/2008
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11.5
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My Daughter is a Serious Type 1 Diabetic ...... !!
diabetic, suggestions, type one
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My daughter Tiffany has been battling type 1 for 3-4 years now and has had too many difficulties to list. She eats right (most of the time), has some kind of computer gadget attached to her waist, but still has serious high or low sugar counts where she has to spend time in the hospital. If anyone knows of any new remedies or suggestions I'd love to hear from you. Stress seems to be a factor. THANKS !!
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on 10/7/2008
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11.8
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Reasons Men Cheat ?? Not SEX !!
sex, marriage, love, self esteem
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In a new study and book "The Truth About Cheating" written and conducted by marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman, 92% of men said it "wasn't "primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that." Gary says its easy for couples to drift away from appreciating one another like they should. He says the other woman often makes the man feel better about himself. "(She) makes them feel different. Makes them feel appreciated, admired, he says. "men look strong, look powerful and capable. But on the inside, they are insecure loke everybody else. They're searching and looking for somebody to build them up to make them feel valued.
Gary adds it's not about blaming the wife. Cheating is ridiculous and wrong. The book is about empowering woman with knowledge to lead to a better relationship.
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So, men and women take the time to praise one another. Tell him or her that you appreciate what he/she does. Yes, marriage is work, but well worth it - don't you agree ?? !!
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on 10/3/2008
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4.9
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